Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Is online social networking really a good thing?

I think for the most part it has some benefits. 

I admit that I belong to an online group apart from things like facebook/myspace/twitter.  This is a private group and was united by a commonality more then 6 years ago.  We have grown and changed over the years.  There has been drama of course, but there has also been some incredible moments of friendship and sisterhood.  I would be lost without these women.    Apart from our 1 shared trait which brought us together in the first place; we are a very diverse group.  We are comprised of Career Women and SAHM's (Stay At Home Mom's), large families and single child homes.  We have nurses, realtors, child care professionals, speech therapists, farmers/ranchers, and even an ER Doctor.  We can be found from Coast to Coast, strewn across North America, as far North as Alaska, down to the South of Florida and across the sea in Israel and Singapore.  They are my go-to's when I have a question on any subject under the sun.  We confide in each other when there seems to be no one else who can/will listen.  We support each other, protect each other and care for each other.  When one of us is down, we will often band together to help; whether it's gathering info to help deal with a new diagnosis of Celiac's disease in a young child or collecting contributions towards a spa treatment because the stress of life has gotten to be too much.  I know more about many of these women then I do about many of my IRL friends (In Real Life).

My friends in real life know these women only as a collective reference The Garden, but to me they have faces, histories and families.  Their trials become my trials, their joys mine.  I have sat on pins and needles anxiously refreshing the page waiting for the birth of a newest Garden Baby.  So while I may not have met them face to face, I count them as some of my closest friends.

Tis the way of the social networking age.

But it can't all be good.

Socializing over a piece of electronics is definitely taking it's toll on society however.  When conversing with someone face to face, every nuance, every gesture, every facial expression is used to interpret meaning.  Take the phrase "You are such a dork."
If you say that phrase out loud you can change the meaning of it a thousand different ways just by changing your expression, your intonation and your movement.  Wrapping your arms around someone, and giggling while saying it, tells the person that you really don't believe what you are saying, and mean it in an almost "affectionate" way.  However folding your arms across your chest while giggling implies something ENTIRELY different.  It almost shows that you are embarrassed by what they are doing and that you likely do mean it, but are hiding your meaning with a giggle.  Folding your arms and saying it with a sneer instead of a giggle is pure scorn. 

So when I type You are such a dork :)   How should that be interpreted?  Is the smiley showing that I don't mean it?  Or am I being spiteful and smiling to hide my scorn? 

This accounts for a lot of drama across social networking groups.  The misinterpretation (or not) of someone's written word.  That is the second problem I see.  It is much easier to be rude, mean, or scornful to someone you don't physically know and hide it behind a smiley face or a {{{HUG}}}.  How many times have you seen the defense,
"I didn't mean it.  Didn't you see the smiley face showing I was joking?"  When everything about their post was hurtful?

I guess with the ability to disappear from a group and without the physical ties to bind you to people, it is easier to justify leaving when you have been wronged or when you have wronged and been called on it.  The mentality that you don't owe these people anything, they don't hold any part of you is strong enough to bring out the worst in us.

Recently an altercation happened on my facebook page between 2 of my friends -they did not know each other- it was regarding something I posted.  Both of them are fairly strong willed people and it got snarky.  Shortly after that I was unfriended by one of them.  It kind of surprised me, and I admit at first I was hurt.  But after really thinking about it I realized that one of these people I had known since high school I knew their quirks, their mannerisms, and could hear them saying in my mind the words they had written.  The other I had met online, and while I thought I knew her well, it turns out I guess I didn't.  Or maybe the parts of her I did know weren't enough for her to remain a friend when the going gets tough.  In either case, I see that it was easy for her to dump me as a friend because we had no physical ties to each other, nothing beyond online to link us together.  Easily forged, easily broken.

My lesson in all this was a profound one and really made me appreciate my real life, in the flesh friends all the more.

2 comments:

  1. Our ties are much stronger that a simple on-line bond, you are a friend for life, a beautiful product of the wonderful Garden

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  2. I want to be a part of this garden. I belong to an online group that used to be really supportive but is getting quite catty. Like you, some of these ladies know me better than IRL friends.
    I love having connections all over Canada with some really great women. It's just to bad that a couple of sour pusses can ruin it sometimes.
    I planned my wedding with these woman and they have followed me through two pregnancies and deliveries. A great resourse for everything and anything. Nothing is TMI which is always nice.
    I do take things personally though even if we are "hiding" behind our computer screens. I am still a real person with real feelings.

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